“I never want anyone to feel left out. It’s like the worst, last picked for the team, all that kind of stuff. I don’t ever want that.” – Kelly Clarkson (Today)
Were you ever “that kid”? You know, the one who had pennies thrown at you in the hallways. The one who had fries covered in ketchup thrown at you in the cafeteria? The one in middle school who was ALWAYS picked last for dodgeball? That was me. Granted, I wasn’t picked last for everything. If there was an academic team, or volunteer project to lead, I was usually at the front of the line.
I was the over-achiever, who was over being overlooked and overweight.
At my highest weight, I tipped the scale at nearly 300lbs. Of course, this was at the end of my freshman year of high school, and I was dealing with puberty and understanding the definition of masculinity. I was a star on the auditorium stage, but failed to shine behind the scenes. I was coming to terms with coming out. I used food as the primary coping tool to negate any thoughts of homosexuality. I ate my feelings with a side of cheese fries.
While I have since accepted my sexuality, I have spent the past couple of days sabotaging this challenge and my progress by eating my feelings. I managed two epic cheat days in a row, and the scale reflected my self-destruction. Instead of publicly weighing in this week, I have decided to “whey up” with a delicious protein shake, and dive “way-into” my life with another attempt at a video blog.
Today, I feel like I was picked last for dodgeball. I should work on that.