I have provided a link to a public reading of my fan letter to Kelly Clarkson. It has been years in the making, with several edits and revisions. It has evolved, like I have evolved. I hope it makes its way to her heart, and if not (at the very least) to yours.
Thank you for being so supportive. I love all of you! For your consideration, and even with a horrible preview picture (I will get over this) my life:
I have never written a fan letter before, so this is new for me. I have no expectations. I have no delusions that you will read this letter. I hope you do. However, if this fails to make its way to you, at least I know I have told the Universe. Maybe, just maybe, the information will make its way to your heart.
I met Jeff went I was 20 years old. It was a whirlwind courtship, which should have never happened. However, it did. It was amazing! I also met you when I was 20 years old. You probably do not remember meeting me. I mean, how could you? You meet hundreds and hundreds of people every week. However, we met.
On April 8, 2005, you rolled through Indianapolis on the Breakaway Tour. Jeff had lost a very adult bet, and the penalty was front row, center seats to Kelly Clarkson. I did not believe it would happen to me, but the impossible was possible. The concert was a blur, except for one moment. You stopped the concert and took a dozen roses from me. You said that you had not gotten flowers from a guy in a long time. I was shocked, and excited, and you made my life.
Jeff is no longer with us. He died the following year in July. Cancer had overtaken his lymph nodes and he unexpectedly passed away on a humid evening in the comfort of our bed. I was completely devastated. For a long time, I blamed him for the direction my life had taken. I blamed him for leaving me all alone. I was a 21-year-old widower. I grieved for months. The more I grieved Jeff, the more I resented him. I would play Because of You on repeat as a way to direct my sadness into anger. Better to be angry than sad.
As the years have passed, I have realized how important he was in the shaping of my adulthood.
I have been with Mikey for almost two years. Mikey is my world. He is everything. When I am with him, I know that everything will be okay. I will be okay. There are no words to describe what he means to me. Now that I have the opportunity to see you in concert, I want you to know that he exists. We exist.
I hope that the Universe delivers this letter to you.
I want you to know that your music has been the soundtrack of my life. Every song has a special memory attached to it. Behind These Hazel Eyes was Jeff’s love song to me. Because of You helped me get through the sudden death of my father. Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You) is my anthem when I fail to realize how special and wonderful I am. My Life Would Suck Without You is my workout, empowerment jam. Never Enough, arguably your best cover, is the declaration of love I share with Mikey. It is our song.
Lastly, I want to thank you for being a constant part of my life. My journey is more complete because of your music. Your words, your lyrics, and your voice speak to me in times of great sadness and immense joy. I am thankful you are in the world. I am grateful for you sharing your gift with the world.
In addition, I am especially grateful I have the opportunity to see you on March 22nd in Indianapolis, and share the Meaning of Life with Mikey. Thank you for taking the time to read my letter, and thank you for being such a special part of my story. You inspire me to be better.
From my heart to yours and with eternal gratitude,
Matthew “Matty” Jacobs